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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Pretty Doll

         Meet Pretty doll.  

She can't really do anything as she is only pretty. I asked her to go swimming in the tub and she said,

I asked her to brush the cat and she said, "Ick!"

I asked her to do the dishes and she said, "Ick!"

I asked her to do the laundry and she said, "Ick!"

I asked her to go out and chop ice and she said, "Ick!"

And then, late last night, after all the chores were finished, Pretty doll sat down on the couch next to John. She struck up a conversation. "Hello, I'm Pretty Doll. Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

John said, Ick!"

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Faceless Man

Deep in the recesses of the doll cabinet, under the Can Can doll's legs,

 I found Faceless Man.

I pulled him out of the cabinet and said, "Faceless man, what's your story? You are dressed in a fine tailored wool suit, with a stunning top hat. Someone spent many hours painstakingly creating you. There is a small flower at your lapel. Won't you tell me what your expression can't explain?"

He didn't speak of course, being faceless. So I set him by the door and out he walked...

I heard tell, many people saw him along his travels. He was spotted at the post office...

The library...

                                      The high school.....

The hardware store...

And the diner...

Then he came home and I talked to him. I said, "Faceless man, my hearts for you to be all alone. I want you to meet some friends from the cabinet."

I introduced him to legless Helen, the disembodied twins: Hepna and Elmira, Moosey, the peg-leg mouse, and the wooden hands. 

Not being expressive, Faceless Man won't say much about his new companions, but I feel he is now in good "hands".....uh....
Well, anyway, no matter what his story is, I feel like I've helped him
 "save face".....uh...


Friday, January 28, 2011

Little Red Riding Hood

Everyone knows the story of Little Red Riding Hood, but did you realize she was actually morphed to her dear old grandmother? Here they are together right out of the doll cabinet, so it must be true.


knowing what is best for her granddaughter, sent Red Riding Hood off to school one day. Here you can see her in art school learning the fine technique of ceramics. 

My, what lovely pots you have my dear!

 "The better to piss in!", said the wolf!

Then dear old Grandmother sent Little Red to glee club! (Where dear old Grandmother is the organist).

My what dulcet tones you have my dear!

"The better to pounce on your pretty keys and get you into treble!"said the wolf!

Later that day, Grandmother sent Little Red to the dentist. She was a very good patient, as she climbed into the big chair and got an x-ray.

Little did she know, the x-ray machine was really a brain suck created by the evil wolf! He was in cahoots with the hairy armed dentist. 

The diabolical duo, along with their love-ly dental technician, sucked Little Red Riding Hood, and Grandmother, and......the wolf....into a nearby cookie jar....

....yeah, the wolf wasn't real bright......

The End

Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Flying Nun

One of the celebs in our impressive doll cabinet is the Flying Nun.
Now, don't tell Sally Field, but off camera, the Flying Nun acted pretty much like most of the Nuns from that romantic baby boomers era.

See her in the classroom, measuring Little Nancy's mini skirt.

"Tsk tsk Nancy, you'll have to go home to get a longer dress!"


See her at daily communion, putting kleenex on heads of uncloaked girls.
"How humiliating Helen, maybe your Mother will get a phone call from the Mother Superior!"

See her smacking unruly children in her 2nd grade class!
"Maybe this will remind you there is no pleasure without pain."

And the day she caught little Wolfgang drinking communion from his Father's beer stein was more than she could stand!
 "Perhaps a swift rap on the lederhosen will cure your cravings, That will be 25 hail Mary's and 42 our Father's."

Then one day, a handsome man showed up at Our Sister Of Rapscallion, the Flying Nun's school convent, and she quickly dismissed herself from the room. 

It was Montgomery, the Canadian Mounty.

Rumors abounded, and a clever paparazzi photographer uncovered this scandalous photo of the F.N. having dinner at Chow Chow's Chinese Restaurant with muscular Montgomery!

The powers that be caught wind of the Flying Nun's indiscretions, 
and she was called into the office immediately for evaluation.

The Flying Nun took a vow of silence and withdrew to her quarters to water the plants and 
 have a heart to heart chat with her Our Mother of Saints, living portrait. The portrait literally glowed through F.N.'s spilled exploits of Montgomery. 

Perhaps there's a little rebel in ever saint, but for now, the Flying Nun is grounded, and cut back to household manual labor. Watch out kitty!


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Little Dickie Daredevil

My oh my, Granny had some adventurous grandchildren. Today, you get to meet Little Dickie Daredevil. He is always showing up in the crazzziest places. This child fears nothing. As soon as I turn my back he is climbing onto the ceiling fan!

Then he sneaks into the freezer..

Clambering upon the candelabra...

Scaling cocktail stirrers....

Flying on an airplane, and catching a ride on a near-by Pterodactyl. 

Oh no! Little Dickie got dizzy and fell off the dinosaur! Not to worry, he landed on a soft surface.

But then he was off on his terrible tear again!

We found him in  the dryer mounting the bvd's...

And then one cold winter day, Little Dickie climbed into the mask of a passing by Grizzly Man, and despite my warnings, he traveled out into the perilous, frigid winter, where I'm sure he perished from frost bite.

 But, who knows, perhaps Little Dickie Daredevil is much cleverer than we think. We shall see if he returns in the spring.