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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Little Mermaid Auditions

In order to weed through the dolls to pick the perfect little Mermaid, I decided to have auditions. Auditions included not only acting and singing, but the ability to come up with the most creative original costume on their own. I also told them to make up their own sea name...Ariel is so overdone these days.
Here are the candidates for approval. (left to right). Annie, Inga Kettlecorn ( the girl rejected from Hansel and Gretel this week), Red Riding Hood, and Pinocchio, the feminine version (chosen because he wears a he was dying to get in on the activity. [I will have to let the Egyptian know this]).

Here are materials I gave them to work with: a ball of twine and all the nature they could find in the woods.

Candidate #1: Annie

"My name is Annie, and my totally awesome mermaid outfit is made of 2 grape leaves tied together, topped off with a giant water lily on my head.
My mer-name is Water Lily, Queen of her Pad!"

Candidate #2: Pinocchio

"Okay, I'm made of wood, right? So I thought, 'What the hell, let's go with a pine cone.' I can't tell you how difficult it is to walk over to the shore rocks with pine cone fins, but I did it. I'm here. Oh yeah, dig the crazy acorn topper for my hat!"
" name? Oh yeah Ethel Merman...get it? ...'cause I'm not a girl...get it?"

Candidate #3: Inga Kettlecorn

"I'm from the Swiss Alps, so naturally, I chose pine needles. They remind me of the mountain pines back home. I think they make very practical fins, because it 's like swimming with a hundred fins working as one! Oh, how I wished I could find an edelweiss...but this Indian Paint Brush flower was all I could find in these scrubby woods! My mer name is Miss Pining Bytheshore" 

Finally...Candidate #4 Red Riding Hood

"I kind of went all out for the competition. You see, I have a wolf and Granny living under my dress, so I had to cover them up. I'm tired of dear o'l Granny getting all the glory, so I went with the extra long ferns, wrapped in birch bark, topped in all the right places with pure white flowers and acorn breastabules.
My name is Princess Red Corral of Green Gables."

Now, our judge, a local beach bum, had a difficult decision. Who would be the next little mermaid?


and the winner goes to....

Red Corral of Green Gables!!! For an outstanding cover up of ol' Granny and the mean ol' Wolf!!!

See the other mermaids pouting on the beach...

Our winner wins an all exclusive paid meal to Bernies Fish Fry House, on lake Ohmahgod, home of the dancing frog legs and 'turtle soup on the run', served up snappy!
 Don't forget their motto: "You can hooker a tuna at Bernies', but you can't tuna fish!" 

She also wins a limited bus and truck run of The Little Mermaid on golden ponds anywhere. 

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Snow White

Of course, everyone has heard the adoring story of Snow White. Well, since we didn't have any proper dwarfs to complete our tale, we had to improvise using the short dolls. Also, the director usurping her creative license, changed their character's names. [The original names are in brackets.]
Let me introduce you to our new cast:
(From left to right) :[happy] Harrison Richman as Obnoxious
[sneezy] Kuwanayamtia as Snot
[bashful] Pinocchio as Boring
[grumpy] Suzuki as Crabby
[doc] The Flying Nun as Nursey
[sleepy] Tadashi as Pooped
[dopey] Wolfgang as Druggie

And with that group of nare-do-wells, let me introduce you to our star:

Snow White, playing herself as Snow White!

"Now wait a Gosh Darn Minute!" I hear yelled at me from the shelf. It's Annie, and her face is all red.
"Annie dear, what seems to be the trouble?" I ask.
 She answers, "This week was supposed to be about the dolls making up FAIRy tales, and so it's not F-A-I-R that Snow White gets to play herself. I want to be Snow White!!!"

"Yeah, I want to be Snow White too!" I hear hollered at me from behind. I turn to look, and it's Harlequin. "My last name is White, so naturally, I should get that starring role! Besides, I AM the fairest of them all."

"Oh brother," I cough under my breath, "Here we go again..."
"And what about me?" pipes up Red Doll. "I am red, and that would lend an avantguard feel to the story. Snow White is Red! Anyway, it would match the stupid names of those dwarfs!"

"Ok, ladies, I think we are getting a bit off track."

"OH YEAH????" someone yells.

I can only imagine what this is going to be about. I turn once more, and there is Tintinabulla. "Tin tin," I plead, "This isn't Cleopatra, it's Snow White. It's about naivete, love and purity."
"Yeah, so?" she asks me, "I am a pure love machine!"

And as they say in the Three Little Pigs, THAT was that last straw.
I left the room, returned shortly to introduce to the dolls....

                                             the EVIL QUEEN!!!!!

Fairy Tale OVER!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. Oh, and they didn't live in any special houses~~~~~~they were just little pigs.
That is, they ate too much!
First, there was Brigitta, she was a choco-a-holic.
She could smell chocolate five miles away! She believed the delectable cacao added to her rosy complexion!

Next, was Luna....

She had snack attacks 20 times a day!
( Luna was a proud sponsor of the Kellog and Keebler corporations!)

Last, but certainly not least (judging from her size, there is nothing least about her), there was Robin Redbreast~
She would eat basically...anything.

So, as you know the story, along comes this wolf, uh, dressed in a Granny outfit..Okay, he was a cross dressing wolf. Anyway, he comes along, digs Brigitta's dress, and decides to take if from her.  So he begins to huff and puff...

But he can't blow down Brigitta. She is a sturdy woman, and the wolf passes out.

Undeterred, the wolf moves on to Luna. She is dressed in traditional Belgian clad, and wolfie wants it. So, he huffs and he puffs....

..and he begins to see big black dots forming before his eyes. Then, no sooner than you can say Jack and the beanstalk..

...the wolf is passed out on the floor. Luna tried to revive him with Limburger cheese ( her favorite), but he was unconscious.

When he came to, he decided to go after Robin. After all, a wolf disguised as a bird might be a good cover!
So of course, he huffed and puffed....

.....and he puffed and he huffed......
             and he began to feel a numbing in his left arm....
.....and it felt like Robin                 
                          was standing  on his chest.....

....and before you could say Pinocchio, wolfie went into cardiac arrest and was rushed off to the hospital.

The girls decided to celebrate with a huge lunch,

and once again, all lived happily ever after.

By the way, wolfie was treated for mild angina, kept over night at the hospital, and released the next day. Word on the street is he no longer cross dressing, but is heavily into tattoos.

Oh ya, all three little pigs are due for a cholesterol check this month.

Monday, June 27, 2011

The Elves and the Shoemaker

Here is the timeless tale of the Elves and the Shoemaker.
Willermus Knobel as the Shoemaker
Granny Goodknitter as the Wife
The Flying Gorgonzolla Brothers as the Elves

The old Shoemaker and his wife lived very happily in a tiny cottage bordering a small village in the country of who knows where.

He was a shoemaker, but not very successful. You see, he could make shoes, but he really didn't have shoe 'flair', if you know what I mean...

Anyway, one evening on a dark and windless night, the old couple went to bed..

...and while they were sleeping..

...two elves showed up and changed the Shoemaker's lifeless shoe, into a hip, colorful, couture icon.

When the Shoemaker awakened, he and his wife were the next night, they left another dullsville shoe on the workbench....

and the next day......voila!

A shoe was created that was more lovely than the Shoemaker and his wife could even imagine.

 But that darned Wicked Witch swooped in, still looking for her left shoe
 (see blog 6/17)...

...and ruined the rest of the tale!

Witch:"I did not!"
Me: "You did too. You got your turn yesterday ."
Witch" "I did not, you had that despicable color blind casting and I'm green!"
Me: "You are just pouting because you didn't fit the ruby slippers."
Witch: "I am not! I wanted the emerald pumps all along!"
Me: " WHAT ever...Goodbye folks, tune in tomorrow for day three of~
Long Forgotten Faerie vs. Fairy Tales in the Making!"

Witch: "I'm still talking you know."
Me: "Yeah, I know...good-bye folks.."

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Hansel and Gretel With Colorblind Casting

Hansel and Gretel were walking through the woods on fine, summer day, when they happened upon a gingerbread house, covered in delicious, delectable candies!
Naturally, they went to explore it's sugary goodness. When they arrived, to their surprise, there was an evil witch waiting at the house.

"NO NO NO! CUT!" yelled I.
"This is about colorblind casting, not type casting. We can't use the witch and these cute doll kids."

"Well," said Gretel, "Hansel is colorblind and so he can't see a green witch. He sees her as orange!" ~ "WRONG," I bellowed. "Bring in the new witch!"
At that, the Wicked Witch told me she would destroy my beautiful wickedness, so I better be watching my back. Then she disappeared in a puff of smoke....

and the new witch stepped in...

"CUT!!! We can't have this gargantuan Witch and these tiny dolls. How could they possibly push her in an oven?"

Enter~the new Hansel and Gretel:

Horace Wilkie and Nanook of the North.
(Now THAT'S what I call colorblind casting)

Now, we all know how the story goes right? Fine, then we are going to cut to the end. The stove part.
Hansel and Gretel push the evil witch into the stove....

But~right as they almost manuver her in,

she turns around, bursts into song and dance, singing,
"Animal crackers in my soup."
That's what you get for casting Shirley Temple!

Which to me, is as fine of an ending as any other. Besides, we can't get too technical with this doll blog.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

The Dolls Go On Vacation

The Dolls are on vacation! Will they have hot fun in the summer sun? No! They are spending the week with a challenge to each other:
You've heard of Faerie Tale Theatre? You've heard of Grims Fairy Tales, and Fractured Fairy Tales?
This week, the dolls are teaming up to create:

Long Forgotten Faerie vs. Fairy 
    Tales In The Making
                    (authors's first edition)

Here is the cast of characters.........

Be afraid....

Be VERY afraid.....

Tune in tomorrow for the first chapter of....

Long Forgotten Faerie vs. Fairy Tales In The Making!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Larry the Lion Trainer

Meet Larry.

See Larry's fondness for animal training.
See Scuby-Doo's training session.

Travel with Larry as he branches out to wilder beasts.
Larry likes Pandas.

Larry needs a challenge.
Larry seeks a more ferocious beast to show off his training talent. 

Larry's out of his league.

See Larry's new challenge.

He's Hobo lion. Traveling with the railway circus.
Larry likes hobos. He likes Hobo Lion.

See Larry's amazing~stupendous~remarkable~dare-devil lion act!
Jump lion jump. Run lion run. Dance lion dance. See lion dance?

Larry is content.