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Sunday, July 3, 2011

Jack and the Beanstalk

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Jack (played by Pinocchio). Ever tired of his wooden personality and structured life, he longed for adventure. One day he came to his Mother (played by Red Riding Hood's Grandmother), and told her he was off to sell the fatted calf (played by Maizy the poodle puff). He needed fast cash, as life was burning a hole in his pocket. (Which is very dangerous if you're made out of wood.)

So, he took the cow out and sold her for a can of beans.

His Mother, aghast at what he'd done, told him he now had to eat the beans and she wasn't about to heat them up for him either!
But Jack had another idea~
Realizing his stupidity (as his brain was made of sawdust), he took the beans out and buried them in the woods. (Now he is stupid AND hungry.)

However, to his amazement, the can split open, the beans spilled out, and a giant vine began to grow...and grow...and grow....
until it reached the sky! Jack began to climb it, but his Mother came by and warned him to get back home!

Jack refused, and continued to climb...and climb...

As he parted the clouds, and got to the tippy top of his bean vine, he was simply astounded to see a beautiful lake!

Even more astounding was the sound of tinkling bells wafting over the wind. Jack simply had to explore and discover what it was. He climbed off the beanstalk only to discover a terrible Ogre (played by JD), on a floating pontoon! The tinkling sound Jack had previously heard, was a beautiful, yet tiny, belly dancer. She was Bellylove (played by Tintinabulla).

Jack decided then and there that he needed to take her home to dance for him! So, gathering all the colonel he could muster (I stole this line), he jumped upon the gianormous floating pontoon and stole  Miss Bellylove from the evil Ogre!

The Ogre was so taken back, he threw his stupendous weight upon Jack, sending the pontoon belly up in the water. Jack and Bellylove ran for the vine, scampered down it as fast as they could...

....and made it home safe and sound.

HOWEVER, when Jack's Mother saw Bellylove, exhibiting all her bodily indecency, she immediately banished the woman to hard labor cooking, cleaning and out-door chores.

All was working out for awhile, but she eventually skipped out on them and is reportedly working as an exotic dancer downtown. Jack is too young to get into the establishment, however,
                   so his Mother now proclaims that

                                                  they  all lived Happily ever after."

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