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Friday, July 1, 2011

Pocahontas...the Modern Version

In this modern world, with all the female equality, we may find a bend in tales from long ago. Take for instance Pocahontas. We all know she had a conflict because she wanted to marry John Smith and her Father refused it, but in our tale, the story goes like this....

Pocahontas was hanging out laundry with her sisters, Mini Ha Hah, Mini Mouse and Mini Ripperton on one warm summer day in New England.

As their task was completed, their Father, Chief Leinenkugel, came along with a couple of strangers. He was eager to marry off his daughters so he could retire to Sedona, where his estranged wife, Mini Donuts, has lived for the past 10 years.

Enter Horace Wilkie, formerly of Her Royal Majesties Secret Service, and his son, Montgomery of the Royal Canadian Mounties. Monty was shopping for a wife, but his Father was very old school. He was so old school in fact, after 30 years, he still won't remove his British helmet even though he has been a citizen of Canada all that time.
Horace insisted that the women show him their worth, and he would chose a wife for his son. (Ok, this isn't too modern of a tale.) 

The first Native American Maiden, Mini Ha Hah, eagerly too Monty to her tee pee, where she showed him her extensive frog collection.

Monty and his Father were not too impressed.

Pocahontas's second sister, Mini Mouse Showed Monty her awesome basket weaving.

As they don't use baskets so much in Canada, since they have plenty of mines to make metal, plus Government subsidies which pay for heaps of plastic containers, Once again, the Canadians weren't impressed.

The third buxom sister, Mini Ripperton tried to wow the  hunky Canadian with her loon calls. She was so adept at this, the loons flocked to the shore where MM gave them treats of dried eagle flesh.

"Why, we have coins called loonies already in Canada, " spat Horace to his son, "Why do we need the real thing?"

So, finally as Cheif Leinenkugel was feeling distressed to say the least, Princess Pocahontas showed Monty and Horace her ship making skills. She had begun along the shores of the Great lakes, making tiny ships in shells to throw out for sailors, but had finally advanced her skill to a full scale clipper ship!

When her future Father -in -law saw this magnificent ship perched on the Atlantic shore. He gave his permission to Monty for wedded bliss, and with a sentimental tear in his eye, off he sailed, back to England in pursuit of his old position working for the Queen.

Everyone satisfied at long last, with their lot in life, Cheif Leinenkugel bade the happy couple farewell, for he had to take his other 3 daughters to auction sell them off.

And they all sort of lived Happily ever after...

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