Here we have the famed beauty of the woods, Snow White. She is not living the happy ever after you would imagine! I spoke to her as she was hanging out at a Wizard of Oz festival with the Flying Gorgonolla midgets.
"Just look at that Dorothy Gayle, "sassed Snow White. "She sits quite close to me in the doll cabinet. She's not all that hoity-toity, muckity-muck, as people think she is!"
"But Snowy, " the midgets spoke, "If it weren't for her, we'd still be a two bit acrobatic act with the Tuscaloosa Troupers! Our film shooting on Oz was the trip of a lifetime. All those crooked midgets, drinking, smoking, gambling...and so little time to break even with those little...
I sensed Snow White had a bigger ambition that she wasn't revealing, so I asked her, "Snow White, why the pretty pout?"
And she said, "I'm not living happily ever after, like I thought I would be."
So I said, "Well Snow, what's your heart's desire?"
Se thought, and pouted, and then she blinked her eyes exploding with,
" I want to be a Mexican!"
"I want to shuffle over cobblestones with Hose' and eat tortillas!!!!"
"I want pop hot peppers until I fry!"
I was shocked, but she continued.
"I'll ride me a mule to the border, and I'll smuggle in illegal aliens!
We'll eat burritos, jalapenos, tamales and epazotes!
Drowning in Tabasco with my Cisco in Coatzacoalcos!"
And she didn't stop there!
"I wanna yell, 'Hey Gringo!,' while I'm wrapped in a serape' drinking Tequila till I puke!"
And THAT'S when I put her back in the doll cabinet, right next to Dorothy Gayle.
As I closed the door, I heard her mumble ,
"Starlette estúpida de la pantalla de plata. Usted nunca será igual que mis compañeros en México."
(translated: Stupid starlette of the silver screen. You will never be like my comrades in Mexico).
Adios poco la blanco!